In the words of Deborah Cox,
How did you get here? Nobody’s supposed to be here.
It’s been over three years since I found my home at Told By Ter**. What started as a lifestyle blog quickly turned into another online journal. And that was ok… After all, my blogging hobby started with online journals. During that transition, I never unlinked my blog from my social media accounts, and that’s where the problems started.
My marriage has ended. After years of arguing, fighting, and thinking we were doing what was best of the kids by keeping a two-parent home, we decided to call it quits. It was touch and go for a while…wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing… Trying to explain to the kids that mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore… Coping with being alone since I’ve never been on my own. The last couple of years of therapy has brought some clarity. I can, honestly, say that I am doing somewhat better.
The ex-husband struggles more than I do. He often questions what he did wrong. I’ll admit that I haven’t been the easiest person to talk to, which is why he felt the need to go looking for answers. (Closure and shit, I guess.) That led him to the link that I never removed from my IG profile, and he ended up with hurt feelings. Ever since, I haven’t felt like it was safe to talk about my feelings over there. Every time I logged in to write something, I felt like…maybe I needed to censor myself. I hated that feeling, so here we are.
At the end of it all, I need my space. I enjoy blogging. I enjoy sharing my life, but I’m tired of censoring myself to protect the feelings of other people. Part of this new journey is learning who I am and deciding who I want to be going forward. I no longer want to be the person who goes out of her way to make everyone else comfortable. Maybe I’ll stay here, maybe I’ll go back to TBT. As with anything, time will tell.
